Back on track.

I have just returned from our home study agency! I have submitted our first round of paperwork to begin the home study process!

This is a jubilant day :) Four months ago (exactly! check date on last post!), I was floundering in the mires of self-pity, anxiety, frustration, and fear. Gathering all the documents, coupled with everything else we had going on professionally and personally, left me fatigued and skeptical. We even opted to take November and December off from working on paperwork just so that we could focus on each other and rekindle our first love. Everything had become so overwhelming.

Once the new year hit (and after we'd had sufficient R and R), we resolved to get back on track and return to filling out forms. Paul has especially been a huge help in plugging away at it daily. We finally have our medical evaluations and TB test results, background information on our families, financial assessment form, criminal conviction/arrest history statements, FBI fingerprint receipts, child abuse and neglect forms, birth certificates, marriage license, pet vaccination certificate, most recent tax return, and copies of our insurance cards finished. Phew! I know there is plenty more they'll need from us during the home study and for the dossier, but it does feel good to have even a little bit finished!

Now, hopefully, if we've dotted our i's and crossed our t's correctly, we should be hearing from the agency about who our social worker will be for the home study itself. The home study, once underway, takes approximately 90 days to complete. We are required to have 4 or 5 (can't remember at the moment) visits during that time. Let the deep cleaning begin!

I have been blessed by the readings from yesterday (the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord) and today, the feast day of St. Blaise.

Hebrews 2:14-18
Since the children share in blood and flesh,
Jesus likewise shared in them,
that through death he might destroy the one
who has the power of death, that is, the Devil,
and free those who through fear of death
had been subject to slavery all their life.
Surely he did not help angels
but rather the descendants of Abraham;
therefore, he had to become like his brothers and sisters
in every way,
that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest before God
to expiate the sins of the people.
Because he himself was tested through what he suffered,
he is able to help those who are being tested.

Hebrews 12:18-19, 21-24
Brothers and sisters:
You have not approached that which could be touched
and a blazing fire and gloomy darkness
and storm and a trumpet blast
and a voice speaking words such that those who heard
begged that no message be further addressed to them.
Indeed, so fearful was the spectacle that Moses said,
“I am terrified and trembling.”
No, you have approached Mount Zion
and the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem,
and countless angels in festal gathering,
and the assembly of the firstborn enrolled in heaven,
and God the judge of all,
and the spirits of the just made perfect,
and Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant,
and the sprinkled Blood that speaks more eloquently
than that of Abel.

Such consolation! Such beautiful encouraging words! I was reminded in the gospel reading at mass today (see Mark 6:7-13) of Jesus' reason for sending his disciples out with little provision, that they might remain focused on the purpose of the journey and not be bogged down by excess baggage. Their obvious physical dependence on him would also be the channel of their deeper spiritual dependence on him, and would also become the source of his gift of power and authority. My mind immediately drew up the material items of baggage I've been meaning to surrender--mostly excess clothing, books I'll probably never read, and other objects of clutter--but then fell on something a bit more close to home: fear. Aubrey, will you surrender your baggage of fear so that I may channel my grace and freedom through you? That others may see me and know me?

"For God did not give (me) a spirit of cowardice, but rather of power and love and self-control." 2 Tim. 1:7

This is my challenge, friends.